Missing my Dad!!

Bear with me on this post!! I have woke up every morning for the last week thinking of my father. I don't know if it is because he passed away this month 8 years ago or if it is because of the holidays or if there is something he is trying to tell me or something I need to learn. Not sure. All I know is I have this urge to go down memory lane and write some things down. Maybe it is for my children who never knew him, I don't know. I really miss him!!

Thanksgiving Eve we got a phone call from my mom who told us dad had been in an accident and was killed. That was a horrible night and month, well year really!! He was coming home from work that night and had stopped to see his mother to see if she was ready to come to our house for Thanksgiving the next day. He left after going and getting her some raisins for her YUMMY steam pudding she was making for the dinner. He was driving on I-15 when an older gentleman entered the freeway driving in the wrong direction. There was a van full of college students in front of my dad. They swerved out of his way but my dad didn't have time to respond. He was hit head on and survived the first little while. When the paramedics got there he told them he was fine and that they needed to go and help the other guy.

When they finally opened up everything his lungs started filling up with blood. He had internal bleeding and he said I can't breath and was gone shortly after. The pressure of the stirring wheel is what kept him alive for so long. When that was released he passed on.

I have often thought I wish I could have said more to him the last time I saw him! I wish I had more time with him! I wish my kids could know him and would have been able to spend time with him! I wish I could ask his advice all the time!! I wish he was here for my mom! And it goes on and on!! I really miss him!

This is the last time I saw my father. He had come down to Utah to help us paint our house and he took over the sprayer and went to town!! He really helped us that weekend. Well because it was the week before Thanksgiving and we weren't able to go home to Idaho we had a meal together and everyone was there except my little brother who was on a mission at the time. He had left the month prior. I feel so blessed to have been able to have Thanksgiving dinner with him one last time!! He was serving us, I feel so blessed to have had that time with him!! All my brothers came and helped too. It was a fun weekend! I am grateful for this last memory I have of being together!!

This is a picture of my dad and I. It is amazing how time flies and you don't realize it until 20 years later you look back and see how much has changed and how precious that time was!! The little things are really the things that matter most!!

My dad loved to take trips and take us kids places!! We went to a lot of different places when I was a kid but I remember going frequently to California. My dad's brother lived in California and so we would go and visit as often as dad could.

I have many of these photos and many memories of my dad with Tractors (only green ones :) )

In fact there isn't a John Deere that I see and I don't think of my father!!

He owned and managed John Deere Dealership in a little town in Idaho. I grew up around these things my whole life. He was always helping farmers and taking them parts, even in the middle of the night! He was always serving someone!! I definitely was taught by my father how to serve and give all you have doing it! There were so many instances in my life he picked up hitchhikers. He did even on his honeymoon.

The one I remember the most was when I was a teenager. He had brought these two teenagers home one day and said they would be joining us for dinner. We ate with them at our table. They were not the best looking teenagers, even a little bit scary! They had piercings, smelled of cigarettes and wore some interesting clothes. He then took them to the nearest park. Dropped them off and came home. He felt so guilty that he went back and got them brought them home again and gave them the couch at our house. My mom was so worried she told us to lock our doors. The next morning he took them down the road to where they were headed. I remember thinking they could totally rob us blind in the middle of the night and wake up to an empty house and cars gone. But we didn't. My dad was such a giving and trusting man. You could trust his word, you could count on him for anything!!

He served on the ambulance and fire dept. He was a volunteer and loved the community I grew up in! He was in the bishopric most of my life. I don't remember sitting by him in church very often. I do remember getting the eye from him from the stand on Sunday. You knew you better knock off whatever you were doing or he would take you out and you didn't want that to happen!

He was a hard worker and loved farming. He had allergies and hay fever really bad and asthma. This did not stop him from trying to be around it. There really is something about the sound of sprinklers in the summer time and the smell of fresh cut hay, grain and potato cellars! I use to love going to grandpas in the summer time and get up early as the sun was coming up and listen to that and feel the early morning air!! There is this peace about it!! I miss that!!

This is a picture of my brothers and dad on my wedding day. It was the only time they were all in tuxes. I love this picture of them!! They are some really cool guys!!

This of course is my wedding day also. I with my parents and Mike with his. I wish I would have known then that three years later I would not see him again!! I would have spent more time asking him important questions and telling him how much he means to me!

This beauty is of me and him. I was the oldest of five and he loved being a father BUT. . .

He loved being a grandpa more!! Even though he was only a grandpa for two short years he beamed like this all the time whenever he was around his grandsons!! He would take us camping just to be with Tucker. He would take Tucker on Motorcycle rides and of course Tuck loved it!! He was a very proud grandpa.

Tucker loved to be around my dad!! Whenever they came to visit my sister and him would race to our apartment to see who would get to Tucker first. My dad would come blazin through the door and yell "where's my Tucker bug?" Tucker would just start laughing and getting all excited he would go and hide. It was the cutest thing ever!! They were inseprable!!
Often times when I am struggling to know what to do with Tucker, or when Tucker is struggling with things I think why did he have to leave, he could have really used the companionship of my dad in his life!! My dad couldn't wait to see what Tucker was going to do with his life! He loved him and knew that he was special. I also know he would have loved to have been around Austin and Bryson also!! My dad loved being a grandpa!! I really miss that and think of him often when I see the boys accomplish things!! I know he is smiling down from heaven!!
I know he is watching over us and has been there for me many times!! I feel him near especially this time of year. He loved family get together's and wouldn't miss a one!! He was the jolly guy, the cornerstone of our family and there is a big hole when we are together. Over the years it has gotten easier but he still is greatly missed!!

I love him and am so grateful for the example he set for me! My life has been greatly blessed by him!! I know I will see him again! I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and that we can live with our loved ones again. I am glad to know that He and my father are watching over us and that I feel them often helping me or giving me strength!! I am grateful for the scriptures that give me guidance and direction to this life of trials and challenges!! Most importantly I am thankful for prayer and the Holy Ghost that I have that connection with my Heavenly Father that makes this life bearable!! Without that connection I can not even imagine going through this life without them!!

This Thanksgiving I am going to try really hard to create the connection my father would have. Not just merely being together because it is a holiday but to really create what family is about and gratitude for what we have been blessed with!! I have been blessed!!

This is my favorite picture of my dad and Tucker!! Thanks for letting me share this so my children can have some memories of their Grandfather. It also helps to write these things down you recognize more fully the blessings in your life!

The Abundant Life!

I have been sitting here pondering about my life and how blessed I have been!! You know a month ago I couldn't think of hardly anything that I was grateful for. Sad, I know!! I don't know what my deal was but I was really struggling to find something. In fact I had written down all the things I didn't like about my life and wanted to change, work on or delete. I showed that list to Mike who became overwhelmed!! :0 :) He said "you know what you need, you need to write down all of your blessings and I will do the same. We will meet back in a couple of hours."

I was so bugged!!! I thought he is NOT getting it!! I sat there on my bed thinking and thinking with about a total of 10 things coming to mind. The usual, my family, my testimony, my friends, my children, my husband, the gospel, my Savior, my Heavenly Father, ect. Then I realized that I really wasn't being too grateful and how on earth could I get the spirit of gratitude back in my life??
Mike later came home that day picked up my list and said, " this is it? This is all you could come up with?" I said " See I totally need to go over that other list I made and change somethings. "
He then proceeded to give me his list of things he was grateful for which was TWO pages long. I was blown away and thought how on earth can you think of all these things? I remember feeling so empty and wishing I had a list like his!! I knew mine was generic and that I had a lot more things to be thankful for but for some reason I was not getting those to come to mind!!

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with life and trying to keep the house clean, laundry done, kids fed, bathed, homework done, Tucker meeting his potential, loving them and finding time to see my husband and have quality time together, along with trying to be a good mom, a good sister, a good friend, a good spouse, a good member of the church, a good daughter, ect. man, I am starting the list over again. NOT what I intended to do!! But I seem to get overwhelmed with my responsibilities sometimes that I don't see the blessings.
I have been so blessed to make so many friendships through the blogging world I have been so grateful!! I had someone contact me because their son had spina bifida also. We have been corresponding back and forth since July. They have been through soooo much!! They lost their little boy who was 6 months. He was having a hard time with his heart and lungs as well. My heart has been aching for them, she (the mom) started having liver failure to which her husband ended up being a perfect match and was able to give part to her. He had been serving in Iraq when his little guy started struggling and so he came home for that. When he healed he had to go back to Iraq. Well he was out a few weeks and was saving his buddies life when he was hit and hurt. He ended up losing one of his legs. He is now in the hospital and just received skin grafts. I am so amazed by their strength!! I am blessed by this family and have come to love them and pray for them often!!
Last family night we decided to send them a care package. The children each drew him a picture of the flag and freedom and soldiers and stuff. It was very touching to see the kids get so into it! They have been praying for them also!! This last week with it being Veteran's Day we really thought a lot about him and the sacrifice he is making for us!! He told us his great grandfather, his grandpa, his father, him and his brother have all served our country. (his brother is still over there) WOW!! I have never had anyone close to me who has served. This has been a great lesson to me!! I feel so blessed to know this family! He is hoping to be able to go home on the 18th of November. Please pray for him that he will be able to go home!! They have been through so much! I have been inspired by their willingness, strength and sacrifice for us!!
I have so much to be grateful for and I love this country I live in!! America is the greatest place on earth! I love having freedom, I love living here, I love those who have fought for our freedom and for peace!! How blessed I am to enjoy these blessings!!

I was remembering back to Joseph B. Wirthlin's talk about The Abundant Life in April of 2006. It was such a good talk!! I have reflected on it a lot!
He said somethings that hit me here lately. He gave three things to a more abundant life!
"First, they drink deeply of living waters. The Savior taught that "whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give . . . shall never thirst; [for it] shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life." The gospel of Jesus Christ is not a religion of mourning and gloom. The faith of our fathers is one of hope and joy. It is not a gospel of chains but a gospel of wings.
To embrace it fully is to be filled with wonder and to walk with an inner fire. Our Savior proclaimed, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."
The abundant life is a spiritual life. Too many sit at the banquet table of the gospel of Jesus Christ and merely nibble at the feast placed before them. They go through the motions—attending their meetings perhaps, glancing at scriptures, repeating familiar prayers—but their hearts are far away. If they are honest, they would admit to being more interested in the latest neighborhood rumors, stock market trends, and their favorite TV show than they are in the supernal wonders and sweet ministerings of the Holy Spirit.
Do you wish to partake of this living water and experience that divine well springing up within you to everlasting life?
Then be not afraid. Believe with all your hearts. Develop an unshakable faith in the Son of God. Let your hearts reach out in earnest prayer. Fill your minds with knowledge of Him. Forsake your weaknesses. Walk in holiness and harmony with the commandments. Drink deeply of the living waters of the gospel of Jesus Christ."

I think I was sitting at the banquet table of the gospel and merely nibbling at the feast placed before me!! I was so caught up in what I wasn't doing. Things that really weren't that important, that I lost the focus of why I am really here!

Tonight I have this great feeling a gratitude for so much abundance in my life!! As Thanksgiving rolls around I have much to be thankful for!! I have the same blessings I had before only now I am truly feeling them instead of merely seeing them!! I feel so blessed to have a husband who loves me and takes great care to provide for us. He is my rock when I am struggling or when I need a hug, he is my friend and I love him for who he is and what he stands for! I am so glad that he loves the gospel and tries hard to live it and teach it to our children! I am so glad he holds the priesthood and can bless our home with it!! I am so blessed to have three very sweet and fun boys who make my day every day!! I love them so much and pray for their little testimonies every day!! I pray that they will stay close to the Lord and be strong, good, worthy priesthood holders and that they will love and serve those around them and find joy in their journey here!! I feel so blessed to have my family close enough that we can visit them regularly and that they can know of my love for them!! I am blessed by their goodness and family unity! I feel blessed by all the friendships I have made through school, beauty school, mission, different places I have lived, neighbors, callings I have had, and yes even the blogging world!! These friendships I feel I have been so blessed by all your kind words and strength and goodness!! You all have inspired me in some way or another!! Thank you!!
The Lord has given me so much I want to always draw nearer to Him. The guidance He has given me has blessed my life tremendously I feel I have been blessed with ABUNDANCE!!

A really good song that goes along with how I feel is " I have been blessed" by Martina Mcbride! So good!! Go to youtube and listen if you haven't heard this song!
Another good song well it was the way I felt a few months ago. It is a song by George Strait it is called "I hate everything." It is good also. I love George. Anyway at the end it is really true how we hear someone elses problems and then we decide our life isn't so bad!!
Sorry I couldn't figure out how to get them on here! Maybe when my kids get old enough they can show me!! :)

A Great Halloween Weekend

So we have had a fun week around here!! Tuesday night Tucker was in a scout skit and he was a DR. can you tell?? He did really good I was proud of him! He loves a good joke of course. He has always been extra silly at times!! :) So this was right up his alley. I was afraid he was going to start laughing and wouldn't get through it. But he did and did a good job!!
Then on Wednesday at school they were able to dress up but it was as a book character and they had to be approved through their teachers. They also had to take their books to school and share it with the class, that was their book report. Fun idea huh?? :) I liked it, no writing and easier costumes.

Tucker dressed up as Jeff from Cabin Creek Mysteries. I felt bad I got a picture of him right as he was headed to class. I missed getting his entire costume. :( (Crazy morning!!)

Austin dressed up as Mike Fink (a tall tale retold and illustrated by Steven Kellogg) He was so excited to go and tell everyone about Mike how he wrestled with BEARS and was so strong!! :) So much more fun then the usual costumes!!

Then when they got home from school dad was home for once and he helped them build a snowman. Austin has been so excited and patiently waiting for it to snow so he could. I on the other hand have been praying it wouldn't snow!! I love winter around Christmas but afterwards I want it to leave!!

I am glad that they had a fun time building a snowman. It is now gone and everyday it got smaller Austin would stand at the window staring at it and asking why it was melting so fast!! :) I felt bad it went so quickly for his sake but for me, that meant warmer weather and I was content!!

We spent Thursday getting so many things done around the house that needed to get done that we have put off for awhile. It felt good to get that done also!! Bryson had a fever for a couple of days but he still was running around like crazy.

I was able to get rid of two black trash bags of clothes out of Mike and I's closet!! That felt good and looks good to. Now I have an excuse to go shopping!! :0

We watched the new Ice Age movie again and the kids loved that.
Friday we ran errands and got ready for Halloween.

Saturday we started the morning out with Ghost pancakes and those of course are a big hit!!

Then it was Austin's last soccer game. He didn't want to go which was really surprising!! He loves to play!! He eventually went and was glad he did!!
Then we started our family tradition of making witches brew. I get a roast and we roast it all day with onions and other yummy stuff. It makes the house smell yummy all day!! We have carrots and potatoes, garlic bread and this year we started a new tradition. . . homemade root beer! It was fun and the kids love getting dressed up and having a day of carving pumpkins and eating good and then trick or treating!! I was sad I forgot to take a picture of our pumpkins we carved and the door way. Mike did a great job of adding spider webbing and lights!! It looked great and this morning I took it all down and realized that I hadn't gotten a picture of it!! :(( Sad!

I guess next year I will remember to do that!! We had a great time and then traveled to Idaho Sunday to visit family and had a good time visiting!! We miss having family around but had a good time with the cousins and sitting around enjoying the day!!

How was your Halloween weekend??