We have learned some incredible lessons!! Those of you who know Mike and I at all know that we HATE conflict and contention and will almost always avoid it at all cost! So the first thing we have learned I feel like is to stand up for ourselves. I am so proud of Mike I saw him reach a level I have never seen before! To be able to talk with the spirit and not get angry and let your feelings fly everywhere and to let it go!! It has taught me for sure!!
If we could do it all over again we would have stopped that from the very beginning. We would have stood up for ourselves more and not allowed to be walked on. To follow the promptings of the spirit when given!! I think I learn this lesson over and over again. I have felt the spirit and then I second guess it. I have reflected on this situation over and over again and from the very beginning the spirit testified to both Mike and I and we weren't sure what it meant at the time. Well now looking back we both see how clearly the Lord was letting us know what to do from the start. So I have really learned to trust in the Lord when He gives you an answer and hold firm to that!! I am so thankful for the Holy Ghost!!! I have really been talking to Tucker a lot about that lately. I sometimes think we are even given these experiences to not only teach us but our children!! I love those kind of talks with my kids!! It helps me so much to learn and see the Lord in my life!!
Some other lessons I have learned is how to really pour out your heart to the Lord for help on something that truly seems impossible!! This was very hard for me I have had my feelings hurt before but really for the most part been able to slide it off and move on. This has been so much more incredibly harder!!
I was getting ready one morning and I kept having a scripture go through my head ( Mathew 5:44 where it says pray for them which despitefully use you). I wasn't even sure why I was getting that but later that morning Mike called and read to me an email from the ones who bought our house and I have never been so angry, sick, hurt or sad! I later thought maybe the Lord was trying to tell me something. So I got out my scriptures and turned to Matthew 5 and read verse 38-48. Man did the spirit hit me!! Tears filled my eyes and I knew I had to forgive, let go and even love my enemies, to turn the other cheek. I have never had to do that before to this extent. It has taken me a month almost and some serious prayer to let go of that hurt!! I still am working on it. These life lessons can be so hard at times and it is funny how when going through them I think they are getting harder and harder. Then I look back at the lessons and see the wisdom of my Heavenly Father and I just feel so blessed!!
The reason for this post mostly is to help me to put things together and to not allow me to go there again!! To learn from my lessons and to move on.
SO I have to tell you how I have come to this point. I have been reading this incredible book I had gotten for Tucker but decided to read it first. It is called Life Without Limits By Nick Vujicic.
Oh how he has been such an inspiration (click on this and you will love seeing this video, I also liked the music!:) to me in so many ways!!!! I have loved reading this book!!!! I am not finished but I will use it over and over again!! I am going to have to go and get Tucker his own copy. He talks about the different attitudes we can have instead of the bad ones. I loved this!! The ones he talked about were, Attitude of Gratitude, Attitude of Action, Attitude of Empathy, and Attitude of Forgiveness!! I loved all of these and the examples he used!!I want to share with you something he said in the book that really stuck home. "When you get caught up in material goods and surface beauty, and when you let other people determine your value, you give up too much of yourself and risk letting your blessings go to waste!! " WOW! Isn't that so true!! There are so many truths like this and many more he shares and he also shares so many of his obstacles that he has had to overcome. I wish everyone could read this book. It really has hit me at the right time of my life. I pray that Tucker can meet him some day. I just know he would be able to reach Tucker's heart!!
Well I am on the right path to letting go and it feels good!! It is liberating to not be hanging onto those thoughts and feelings!! I don't know if any of you have had to let go of something so painful before or to forgive someone who has wronged you before, it is hard. I have a new empathy for those who have that is for sure.
Another thought I have had is if I have all this anger and revenge in my heart how can the Lord at the last day show me mercy and love when I can't give it to others? Wow that really puts things into perspective doesn't it?? :) I need all the mercy He can give me!! We are all here in this together we need to reach out more to each other, pick each other up!! I hope I can do this more!!
You know in all of this craziness I have really seen the Lord's hand!! He has blessed us!! This new home we are living in I so love!! It works so well for Tucker!! It is so much more spacious!! The kitchen is incredible!! I will have to take pictures and share them soon. We have the option to buy if it works out for Mike here with his schooling. The landlord seems like my mom, she is so sweet and been so good to us! We absolutely LOVE the ward!! I told Mike I feel like we are back at home where we grew up going to one of our old home town wards!! We have wanted to feel like that again ever since we left Idaho and went to our first ward in Salt Lake. We were only there a year but wow those people were incredible and we loved it there. It has been 10 years since we have felt like this again!! We are excited to get to know everyone!! We do miss our good friends back in Stansbury and were really sad to leave our neighbors we had!! But we really have seen the Lord's hand in this move!!
I had surgery last week and this ward has been incredible to come by or stop me in Walmart. People I don't even know has stopped me in Walmart to see how we are doing. Incredible! We did have to turn down the Bishop to speak on the weekend of Thanksgiving. We felt bad. We are headed to Idaho to be with our families. I guess there is always another time. :)
I just feel so blessed that I had to write some of my thoughts and feelings down!! If there has ever been anything that has helped you to get through something like this please share!
This morning I also decided that we are going to do some calling around and see if there is something that we can take to the kids up to Primary's during Christmas. Last year we were up there right after Christmas and through New Years with Tucker he had to have surgery, it was hard. I think it would be good for us to go up there and deliver some things to the kids that are having Christmas in the hospital. When you get out and serve someone else it makes your problems seem very small!! It makes you feel good and adds value to your life!! I want the kids to experience that and maybe even make it a tradition. We will see. We are so blessed!! My heart is full of gratitude for what I have been blessed with and for my Savior sacrificing for me!!
